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Unspoken Relationship Agreements – (1101)

Introduction

You know in a relationship there are many silent and unspoken agreements that both parties make. These agreements are very powerful and they are actually the ones that rule the relationship and people’s behaviour in the relationship. If we were to write them down and make each other sign them, no one would agree to them.

What’s more sometimes people actually have the same agreements and that makes things work as long as the agreements are always kept, and sometimes each one in the relationship have different agreements and this causes problems. Let’s see why.


An Agreement to be First

This is a very typical agreement that is made between two people. It goes like this, “you are to consider me first always above your friends, family and work and this is how I know that you love me”. If the other person does not honour that unspoken agreement or expectation oh dear, there is trouble. Let’s see what happens when this agreement is not lived out.


You Don’t Really Love Me – What am I Doing Here

The first thing that mechanically comes out of having such an agreement is that: “you don’t really love me do you, so what am I doing here with you?”. Disappointment, disillusionment and resentment follow that thought.


All that I was Doing in Honour of that Agreement I no Longer Do

We then see all the sacrifices that we are making and have made to show the other that we are honouring this agreement and how they must also honour this agreement, we start to feel resentment because we think “I am doing all of this and you are not, so I am not going to do it anymore because you are not doing it! If you’re not doing it why should I?”.

Then we get rebellious and whatever we gave up to make the other happy, we take up again and the people that we didn’t see or talk to we now go and see and talk to and we now do many things that we didn’t do before because it irritated the other.

What these unspoken agreements do is lock us into a conditioned way of behaviour that we think is love but it is not love really. Is that true though really, that if a person gives sometimes more importance to another over us, that they don’t love us?


Conclusion

We have many unspoken agreements that are of the subconscious and should really be brought out of there and into the open and talked about and then consciously and therefore realistically agreed upon. As long as they stay in the subconscious they remain unrealistic and they are going to be the source of much future suffering. Subconscious usually does that brings suffering.

Also we may have those agreements and they may be noble and right, but they become wrong when we impose them on others and we don’t live them out as our own way of loving and as our own philosophy. When we expect others to be like us we are going to get disappointed.

End (1101).

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