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Pride: the Obstacle to Dissolving Self-Love - (816)

With Self-Love

Sometimes with self-love we just have to transform the impressions by going inside and compensating from within, that is in short by generating love for ourselves or for our Being and that is it. But other times we need to compensate from within (we always do) and also to give love outwardly.


Why May we Need to Compensate Outwardly with Love?

I’ll tell you why we may need to give love outwardly. The reason is because we are at fault or that we have done something unfair, and that our inner scale can not be fully balanced until we do not compensate the other for the unfair treatment. When we did nothing and were insulted we don’t have to give outwardly, usually not but sometimes people are so difficult that it can help a lot.

What can stop us from giving love outwardly is pride.


Pride the Obstacle

Pride as you know is about the sense of balance and justice that we have. As we have been affected or harmed or offended or insulted or criticised then we don’t feel it just to give love outwardly. We can’t see why we should, especially when we did nothing wrong. But sometimes the truth is, in the practical side of things, that giving some love will fix the whole situation. Pride does not understand that, it would rather stick to its principles even when the practical solution of a few seconds of love (a hug) is right there in front of us.

In this case the practicality outweighs the sense of justice of Pride.


Why Should I when I didn’t do Anything Wrong

We yell this out inside our head and this thought really stops us. We feel it so unjust that we have to give some love. In reality it is easy to do so. It only takes a few seconds and in reality what happens is that it heals the situation. In this case we can give some love out of comprehension of the other person’s situation.

If we give, it will be returned and then the apparent injustice will be made just again. It all balances out in the end.

Pretend Games of Pride

Say if we have been shut out or pushed away, out of pride we will not normally ask to come back in again will we? We will play the game of waiting for the other to ask us in. We will pretend that we are not bothered or that we don’t care at all, but we are bothered in fact, we just don’t show it. We feel a coldness set in and we out of pride pretend that we don’t notice or that we are fine with that or that we don’t care that the friendship is going cold. But underneath we will feel unsettled by that. We play this game until someone yields or apologises, we play this game because we think that when the other apologises it means that they are the weaker one, they have suffered and so have payed for their insult and that we can then know that they still want to be our friend. We also hope that this coldness will make the other person yield and so then we don’t have to do it. That is what we think but underneath all that, is pride, the pride that feels that we can’t co-operate with something that we feel is unjust.

If we do give love outwardly we do well because we overcome pride , we balance our scale, we come to peace, and we cut out the silly game of pretending and waiting, and we see and act from the real or essential thing which is that, that we really are friends and that we do care for one another. Or that we may not care for one another and then there is understanding and things can be toned down.

The Core Truth is there is Friendship or there Isn’t

Going to the core, which is that we care for each other or are friends, often helps to overcome pride, and opens the way for a solution or for dialogue and a way to wash away the pretending and waiting games.


Conclusion

You know when we go to our truth and we see inside of ourselves that the friendship is important for us and we truly feel that, and that at least for our part we are friends and we act towards the other person as a friend we balance our scale inside, and then it is up to the other person to see and feel that and if they do not want to be friends anymore or be friends on a less involved or more distant level then we have to accept that. That is reality and reality is always best and someone else will love us and be our friend and maybe what we don’t have now is something that we don’t need.


End (816).

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