Love is More than Having it Returned to You - (539)

Disclaimer

I have written this post out of my own experience and struggle with the very difficult thoughts and emotions that such situations provoke in oneself. I hope what I have understood and have consequently written here will be of some use to you.

The Situation

We can get angry and upset when we give love to another person in the form of saying: “I love you”, “thank you very much”, “see you soon”, “you mean a lot to me”, a hug, a kiss, a hand shake, a touch on the shoulder, a smile and so on, and alas what we have expressed is not returned to us.

Well, this simple thing can be very upsetting, we can feel inside of ourselves very disappointed, very worried, angry, betrayed, a loss of control, used, humiliated, stupid and even go so far to aggressively demand 'our love' to be returned.

What I am going to do in the next few paragraphs is to address each reaction. Though before I do that, I am going to give you an understanding that has helped me a lot in particular.

An Understanding - Remedy

Basically our reactions stem from the many concepts that we have, and all those concepts are basically centred around us believing that love is that, which must be returned by the other and not returning our love means that there is no or less love for me and that I can not no longer control the love in the relationship and it could get less and less and then there would be no love left for me. Really in truth love is greater and beyond those beliefs. It is not those beliefs and does not fall into the parameters of those beliefs. We can not control love and we can not limit love. It is like a drop of the liquid metal mercury, where as soon as you try to hold it, it disperses in your hand escaping from your grasp.

We can love animals better because we don’t have this concept with them. We never feel upset when we give them love and they don’t return it. Because we know that they can’t return it and we just feel happy and fully satisfied to hug our dog or cat and that is it. We are just happy that we can do it. We don’t feel like that with human beings though. So really the problem is the concept that love is there to be returned.

To get our minds free of that concept we have to see for ourselves that love is not that, it is greater and it is the big picture. It is not confined only to that having our love returned. Love is freedom and it does not control the other or trap the other in the returning game. The one we love may get sick of us demanding to have our love returned, they may say “I love you, don’t you trust me, do I always have to tell you or show you!”. You know people can return love mechanically, and that would be a mistake of us to think that they love us because they return our love. 

The Angry Reaction

Some of these reactions especially the angry and violent ones are aimed at forcing the person to feel bad about not returning our gesture of love and therefore out of feeling bad they give us the love that we wanted. So it is a way to control the other person and in a way it is to emotionally blackmail them.

Let me tell you from experience that is not love, love is more found in letting the person be, trusting in them and transmuting the lack of love that we feel or the love we wanted by giving ourselves the love that we want, love your Being inside you and mentalise (speak to yourself) that you are worthy of love, you have done this and that good and you are worthy of love, and feel a love for your Being inside you, then you have love inside you. Love always comes from inside us anyway.

The Worried or Anxious Reaction

This reaction is due to the lack of trust and further thoughts such as “the love is dying or getting weaker”. See the big picture and examine all the facts where the other person has showed or shows every day through facts that they love you and trust in them and trust in yourself that you indeed do love them and if there is love it will always come to you. Trust in love. Love will sort itself out to love you. And if it doesn’t love is showing you that you should be with someone else that does love you. Love always comes back to you in one way or the other, showing you that the person loves you or that to be loved or to find love you need to look elsewhere.

The Disappointed and Betrayed Reaction

We feel this way because we holding onto the concept that there is a unsigned, unspoken agreement between you and the other person that we are meant to love each other and that love means that when I say “I love you” you return it. This is an unconscious concept or agreement. We never speak this out to the other person or make them sign it. So when we hold this belief and the other does not return our love we feel betrayed, let down, disappointed that they did not hold up their side of the pact, agreement, contract etc. When in reality no such agreement exists! 

The Used, Humiliated and Stupid Feeling Reaction

When we give love and we are left with a silent response we can feel stupid and humiliated. We put ourselves out there and we were not accepted. We feel stupid because we think that we were silly because we couldn’t see that the other person does not feel the same way. We could also feel rejected and we could also feel that we are not below the other person and because we are not below them they can not and have not the right to not return our love. We think "how dare they!".

When we feel like this, it is a sign that there is a lot of Pride in the relationship. If we can accept reality that our love was not accepted we just have to quickly return to normal, stay calm and patiently wait the few seconds for the event to wash over and pass on. Just wait and watch as the event flows onto something else. Go with that flow. Check with yourself if you did something wrong, that is crossed a line. If you see that you did. Just apologise at the right moment. When the event washes over our dignity is restored again. The most important point is not to do something or say something that will drop your standing or dignity, if you do this you will feel much worse.

Sometimes too we feel that we gave too much, that we did not judge the situation or the person correctly and we crossed a line too early or not in the right situation, and for that reason we feel stupid.

The Loss of Control, Demanding and Violent Reaction

We don’t get to this type of reaction intentionally and that actually builds up. We may start out feeling actually rather understanding, forgiving and tolerant and after a while we can slowly start to develop this reaction. It can become so acute that with the slightest rejection we can get very angry.

When we think to ourselves how much we have given and invested and the other does not see this because they do not return our love we get angry. We can think that we deserve it. But love does not always obey our personal lack of love or egotistical whims. That I feel is important to truly and deeply understand. Master Samael says love is fed with love, when we give love with love, we sincerely don’t mind if it returns and mostly it does get returned. If we act with something disguised as love it won’t fed love, only love feeds love.

Let go is the remedy, when we are controlling your perception of love existing in the relationship by saying “I love you “ and having it returned. You know the other can be very smart and just be saying that and not feeling that and then leave you the next day by surprise. Let love show you, let love fed itself and let love fix the relationship. When you don’t think about love and it suddenly surges inside you and you want to say something or do something then good, the chances are that it is genuine love. But just do a quick check over it, just in case. When you think about it and plan it, that is not love – don’t deceive yourself there. The mind is the slayer of love says H.P.B.

Conclusion

I think the best is to be practical and to change our way of thinking. Because this is quite painful stuff! So I reckon, find out which is your reaction type and go and work on those concepts and their remedy, in which I have included some in the post (they may help or may not). If not just write a comment on the bottom of the post and I will update the post.

All I hope is that this post can help bring you peace, if you suffer in this way.

A Prayer

Oh my Divine Mother, help me to overcome these concepts, help me to understand love and help me to love. Help me to trust love, of which you are the trunk, and bud. Love is from you. Teach me My Divine Mother and with that understanding help me to dissolve those concepts and set me free to love as you do!

End (539).