Conditional Love
Conditional love is when we expect the other to love us or it is simply when we expect something from the other person.
This type of love is not bad most of the time, but it seems to never fail in causing us some suffering here and there.
Connection to Another is Always Within Us
If you love another person and they are in your heart you are always connected to them.
Being connected to another always comes from us.
We tend to think that connection is that they must be 'into us' or that they must take the initiative to keep the connection 'strong'. But no, it is not that way! I have found that thinking this way even though it seems so right and feels right, it just brings lots of suffering.
Reciprocity True Must Exist
It is true that in a relationship there must be reciprocity (because that is balance), and when there is a genuine relationship reciprocity does exist. However, it may not always be as we expect it to be, and there arises suffering.
The point here though is about our psychology. For there not to be suffering, having a different idea about connection in relationships will help.
A Different Idea About Connection
The other person that we may be concerned about being connected to, may feel connected to us and we may feel that and be happy, and yet at times they may not feel connected to us and we may feel that and we may suffer. But there is so very little that we can really do about that. When we try to do something about it we may do ok but most of the time it seems that we make things worse.
Regarding ourselves over here we can be connected to that person permanently or as much as we like and that is really where our feeling of connection comes from and that is also where our happiness comes from. When we deviate from this we fall into conditional love, and this is also where we lose our happiness.
We can keep this connection going, and seek reciprocity there is nothing wrong with that. The problem occurs in us when we lose this connection within ourselves. We somehow lose or damage this connection and then we get upset at the other person, blame them for our ill-feelings or loss of the feeling of connection.
Conclusion
We can always be connected to another, it depends on us, that is a foundation of conscious love, if we independently keep that connection active in us then we will happier much more of the time.
To make this more realistic, some said once: "that it is ok to get angry at someone as long as you don't throw them out of your heart.". I'll leave that up to.
End (2052).
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