This post is just a very impartial look at arguments. Some reflections that's all.
Are they a bad thing or a good thing? It mostly depends on how we see the results. There are some that really damage a relationship. Then there are some that improve the relationship. There are some that are unnecessary and some that just had to be, and couldn’t be avoided and then there are some that really could have been avoided. Some that really hurt and some that irritate and some that don't hurt.
They usually have a good result when the truth comes out, the truth about one’s position, the truth about 'why' or the truth about 'what' or the truth about 'how' etc.
There are some that you just have to go through and weather the storm, take the heat so that the peace returns.
What to do? Speak, not speak, be balanced - see both sides, or hold firm, say whatever or state the facts only, be honest or be diplomatic, take control or listen or both. Take charge or stay passive or alternate intelligently.
Arguments result from two different mental positions and obviously pride and anger always are present in some degree or another.
Frequency is interesting. Over a particular issue they can be very frequent until the issue is resolved, they can be a now and then thing, or a very seldom thing. This is all quite normal. I think when it is everyday and heated, something's wrong and something's going to give sooner or later.
Most of the time they are over a third party, a child, a cat, a friend, a family member, the house, the bills etc. Not all that often are they about a direct personal issue between two people. But of course they can be.
They can be used as a tool by the ego to achieve some goal.
They are a good evaluation for our psychological work. In an argument we can see if our pride, anger, self-love, self-importance is really dying or not.
We may be keeping calm in the discussion until a certain impression is received and then we lose it This is the point of evaluation. There is always one of these points. Either very evident or subtle but there is always one. It is very interesting to be on the look out for that and be alert to get hold of oneself before that point arises.
After an argument we often are burdened and feel heavy because the ego manifested. We need to clean ourselves out and apologise to get our inner peace back. Sometimes we were in control and maintained our good will and we didn't let any ego out in mind, word and action, then we are at peace.
End (3955).
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