This conundrum often appears. I mean in the sense of what to do, what is the right thing to do...
I have noticed it is particular common to hear people talking about the need for a special environment of good will, of safety, of non-judgment etc. where a person can talk about their problems, their difficulties while feeling totally psychologically safe, in the sense that they won't be ridiculed, judged or reprimanded but rather listened to.
Of course such an environment feels fine, is helpful and is conducive to solving issues. It is also very easy to open up and explain exactly what is the matter, exactly what really troubles one inside. I'm sure this is possible in many kinds of relationships from the intimate type to friends and to family even. Definitely, just joking, it will always be possible when you pay a therapist or someone like that. I'm also sure that in many relationships this is not present as well, commonly with parents it's not.
The thing is what to do when this kind of environment is not present. But one has to move through it.
Well, normally we will freeze, and not be able to open up, we will feel all contracted and go silent and not even be able to catch our thoughts to say anything intelligent. But still the problems have to be solved by talking. But we can't. We just feel scared to speak our truth, which is not a crime and which is not really against anyone, it is what is inside of ourselves. Still the conundrum remains what to do?
Well keeping silent still doesn't solve anything, how about if the person gone silent stands up against the feeling of being frozen, not against anyone but against that inner feeling, and speaks melting the contracting coldness with the warmth of honesty.
One may lack the force or strength of personality and ego to fight but one can always see one's reality and by taking the step of inner courage to accept it, begin to speak normally and allow the strong force of humility (comes from accepting our reality) and truth to work. These forces are often respected and are more powerful than a strong personality and ego. As the ego and personality are often void of the real, they lose force and contradict, and what is not real, always shortly crumbles.
There is no point protesting while in such an unfriendly environment to demand that it be friendly. Well we can always complain and ask for it to change to be friendly but we may not always get our request granted so we still have to do something. If it changes marvelous but if not...
In conclusion such a situation is about courage. Either outer or inner. But really it is more about inner courage to accept one's reality and initiate a few words where the rest follows. If we don't accept our inner reality we can't do anything. To accept our inner reality we need courage.
End (3936).
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