Introduction
I’m not sure if this is the correct name for this ego that
in the following paragraphs I am going to describe. The aim of this article is
to describe this ego and to prise it apart so to provide ourselves with an
in-depth understanding of it that will produce in us separation from it. Being
able to separate from it means we have broken its hypnosis.
A Curious Observation
The first observation of this ego is that the same
impressions received from someone don’t hurt whereas the impressions received
from someone else really hurt and bother us, where these impressions that hurt
are essentially being words, gestures and tone of voice. Therefore this ego is
relative to certain people.
Dependant on Others…
In our mind we have put a lot of emphasis on these people.
It has happened that we have made the way we think about ourselves relative or
dependent upon the way these people think or feel about us. If they think ill
of us we can not be at peace. We become very restless and eager to correct the
way they think about us. In the relationship with these people we make great
efforts to make sure these people think and feel positively about us. We wish
that they treasure us and hold us in high esteem. We often fantasize about that
thinking about how much we are important to them, how much they like and depend
upon our help and presence. All the time it may be that we are the ones that
depend upon them. They are usually the ones that can be very honest with us and
we are not because we are scared to be honest because it will destroy the image
that they have of us and then they will think negatively about us.
Even working on this we feel that we are going not to be so
close to them or that something bad will happen in the relationship like a
break up or something like that. Even we may be working on this to protect
ourselves in the case that there is a break up and that we will not suffer so
much.
Waking Up in the Morning Feeling Awful?
If there is some sort of an argument or we form in our mind
the thought that they are not happy with us we wake up in the morning feeling
very uncomfortable and nervous. It is like whatever we are in not valid, we have
thoughts that in a sorry for ourselves way, in a kind of self-destructive way
start to destroy things around us thinking that they are not good or not really
first class as we usually think we think that they are all useless. In other
words we project our negativity onto ourselves, and others and things around us
that are dear to us. All this comes from the fact that we now see ourselves
negatively just like we suppose the other person sees us. Everything else seems
second rate or lesser importance, the love that comes from others that is not
that person is not important or is second rate.
If those people are Gnostic people that we are dependent
upon we think that everything else is second rate or not important because we
have made Gnosis to be the most important thing in our mind above everything
else. But we have to understand that the love that comes from others is the
same love that comes from those who are in Gnosis. It is the same essence the
same Being loving.
Ending Statement – the Other Person is NOT Everything
There is a lot of Pride in this internal state that causes
us so much grief. The love of the other person seems so important that it seems
to be everything. This is a good time to question that, is that true? Obviously
not we have the Being! That is what is more important to us than anything else.
If we did not have the Being we would not be, but if we did not have the other
person we would of course still be, we would still be alive. What we have done
is make the tremendous mistake of substituting another person for our own
Being!
End (166).
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