Impatience (157)

Introduction

This article wishes to provide you with some knowledge that we honestly think will prove useful when dealing with impatience.

One point to start this article with, is the point that the states of impatience we experience can manifest in us, because there are elements of impatience in us or it may be simply a result of negative thinking and desire that come from other factors such as pride, fear, intolerance etc. In this article we are going to touch on both cases.

The case where impatience arises due to negative thinking or desire is much easier to treat than the case where impatience is due to the habit of being impatient.

Impatience & Negative Thinking

One very interesting point about impatience is that when we are impatient we are thinking negatively about the activity, task, event or person that we are participating in or are with. In short, we have a negative concept about the activity, task, meeting, event or person. We tend to think when we are impatient that the event lets say is: ‘useless’, ‘a waste of time’, ‘bothersome’, ‘tedious’ ‘uncomfortable’, ‘stupid’, ‘boring’, ‘going against me’, ‘harming me’, ‘stopping me from feeling comfortable’ or ‘stopping me from doing what I need to do’ etc. etc. These are very common concepts or ways of thinking that emerge in us when we get impatient.

Find Some Benefit in the Event

Some of the previously mentioned concepts, especially the one ‘the event is harming me’ quite quickly leads to anger. If we are able to think differently in relation to the event then a state of impatience would not appear in us. The key here, is to think positively about the event or to see some benefit for ourselves in the event.

Usually when we think that an event has zero benefit for us and we can’t escape, we naturally become impatient and angry. If while we are ‘stuck’ in the event, we are able to reflect and to latch onto something beneficial for us and align ourselves with it, the impatience that we feel would disappear or at least be reduced. The bottom line, is that we have a relative patience, that is one that is relative to what we like or think. We naturally show patience when our interests are being fed. So the key here is to find something that interests us in the event.

As an aside we say that absolute patience is achieved when we possess the virtue of patience in any situation especially when our interests are not being satisfied. If we enter into an event without any invested interests or expectations we will naturally be patient.

Skills Required

To find something beneficial for us in an event requires some skill. First of all we recommend to you to try and find something in the event that you can use to benefit your inner growth.

For example, if we are getting impatient in an event, then the event can be used for self-discovery with a goal being to acquire more patience. So there if you are interested in bettering yourself the event is a gift and should interest you, because through it you can acquire patience.

On another level perhaps you may be able to do something good for a person in the event, or you may be able to find out some information that may benefit you or a friend.

Negative Concepts

Another point that complements the point of negative thinking in relation to an event is the dissolution of the negative ways of thinking towards the event. We should discover the various negative concepts that we have in relation to the event, activity or person and confront them, asking ourselves very sincerely, whether those concepts are true. Deeply knowing that these concepts are not true helps us to see the event differently and change our way of thinking in relation to it. I’m sure that we all can find something that we enjoy or will enjoy in an event, this will produce a change in our attitude or way of thinking towards an event.

Impatience and Complaint

In any manifestation of impatience there is always an air or a touch of protest and complaint. We may verbalise this to others or we may only keep them to ourselves. These complaints usually go along the lines of: ‘why do I have to do it?’, ‘I shouldn’t still be waiting’, ‘things should be different’, ‘why is this taking so long’, ‘people are stupid and slow’ etc. etc. It is highly beneficial that when you go to work on impatience that you concentrate on each of these concepts and question them to find out if they are true or not. Seeing them untrue will liberate you from them and will take you to adopt a different kind of thinking, feeling and acting.

It is also remarkable to invert each of these statements. When we do that we discover that our complaint or protest is truer when applied to ourselves. For example, the complaint ‘why is this taking so long?’ is a truer statement when we invert it to ‘why am I taking so long?’. The inverted version is truer because we could be quicker to help solve or speed up the situation or if there is nothing that can be done then the inverted statement makes more sense as we can be quicker in overcoming or surrendering to the situation and therefore feeling better.

Dealing with Inner Complaints

An effective way to deal with the complaints that emerge in us, is to apply the key of responsibility. It happens that when we take responsibility for our part in the event that sense of unfairness disappears and we come to understand that we are taking part in the event due somehow to our own actions, and that there is no one that we can blame for that.

Sometimes it happens that we get impatient because we want the activity to finish by itself, without us having to do or say something to speed it up. In this case we do not want to take responsibility for our time. In this case we may also complain about the event dragging on, but if we take the time that we have into our own hands, and not leave it in the hands of others we can speed the activity up and bring it to a close or conclusion much quicker.

In many cases the reason why we are in a situation that makes us impatient is due to our own fault. Realising this is to take responsibility for the situation that we are in and doing this in turn makes the event or activity to not seem so unfair, and so the inner or verbal complaints and protests subside.

Relation of Desire & Anger to Impatience

In relation to impatience desire is critical. We may even dare to say: no desire no impatience. From the desire point of view we can say that we get impatient because we have a desire to fulfil and it is taking too long for the desire to be fulfilled.

Impatience is to have a goal and a desire to attain that goal now or in a very short time. Impatience is really about time, specifically not being able to accept the time needed to achieve the goal because in our perception that amount of time is too long or unacceptable.

In fact it is difficult to get impatient when we don’t have a particular goal. In other words no goal no impatience.

Time or rather our perception of time is the obstacle for impatience. Following this line of thought, impatience is a form of anger, this is because anger appears when there is an obstacle in front our desire. The role of anger is to remove obstacles using usually a destructive kind of force. So impatience then, is that agitated force or impulse to get things done quickly or speed things up overcoming the perceived obstacle of time.

This why when we are impatient we are agitated, restless etc. because the forces that anger uses are stirring in us moving us to solve the situation quickly.

Many times when there are situations that are out of our control getting impatient and angry is really a waste of energy as it can not solve the problem or issue.

When the situation goes on for too long the desire that we have gets to the point of making us frustrated and then we get angry. Impatience often leads to anger, in fact it is a state that often precedes anger.

Common Desires Producing Impatience

We all have the desire to enjoy things, activities and events. Plus we all want to feel free and there are major desires associated with that. So in any event or activity that is negative for us or in other words the event does not produce in us enjoyment, the desire to find something else that pleases us will emerges in us. And owing to the presence of that desire if time blocks our escape to something better we will become impatient and very soon irritated or angry.

This is typical when we are in a conversation that is quite difficult and painful or when we are in a situation where we are being reprimanded. Basically, the desire in us when we are impatient is the desire to break free or undress ourselves of the event or situation.

However, the key is to feel free in the event and this can be done by first noticing for ourselves that there is some freedom in the event that previously we had not noticed or been willing to accept, and secondly finding it, accepting it and feeling free.

Working the Desire

There are several ways in which we can work on the desire that produces impatience. One way is to dissolve the desire, another way is to attain the goal of the desire in a non-destructive way while in the event, or either sacrifice the goal.

Being in the moment is a tremendous key for impatience. Obviously when we are impatient and waiting anxiously for something to finish we are not fully enjoying the moment. To be in the moment and appreciate the moment activates the consciousness and has the ability to make impatience subside.

Impatience Due to Other Factors

The other egos that often produce impatience are fear, pride, selfishness, lust, greed and intolerance. In fact any element in us that typically has a strong desire behind it will produce impatience in a person when time comes in between the person (or ego) and the goal of the desire.

Intolerance is rather interesting in that intolerance is the psychological factor in us that does not accept the event or activity. Naturally, as we are not able to accept the event we become very impatient while in the event or activity.

Fear is rather interesting too, in the sense that fear has the desire to avoid the situation so when we are scared of an event or activity and we are actually participating in the event or activity the desire of fear to flee makes us very impatient to have the whole event over and done with.

Because of pride we think we are better than others and when others don’t seem to perform as well as we do in a given instance, and when we have to wait for them we get impatient. This is because we think due to pride, that our way is better and because the other person is apparently slower, not as smart etc. we get indignant and impatient with them reproaching them as to why they are not like us.

Patience

We need patience in every walk of life. There is a formula that is says: technique plus effort plus time plus patience equals results. Patience is an ingredient in anything we do in life, very few things are instant. Because of impatience we can make some grave mistakes.

Behind patience is the truth that everything has its process and therefore has its time and because of that truth patience is needed in life and in creation. Because there is a reality behind patience, it is a real virtue or attribute, it represents something real and because what is real in us is the essence, it is a quality that belongs to the essence. Every investment of whatever type in life takes its time to mature and therefore requires patience.

There is definitely a true saying that says “all good things come to those who wait”, because by waiting we can pick when it is ripe. If we become impatient and do it before, the fruit will be tart and acidic to the taste.

When we are impatient we can ask ourselves how would being patient help us in the event. This question will open us up to the positive effects or results of patience.

Certainly patience which is endurance is necessary in life. Our life moves along according to a series of processes and each one of them takes their own time to complete.

Symptoms of Impatience

When we feel impatient we can’t wait for the event to finish. We look at the clock, we fidget, we scratch, clean our nails, tap our feet, and emotionally we feel restless, agitated and uncomfortable.

Because we are eager for the event to finish, a large percentage of our attention is focussed on the future, which is usually the end of the event. So when we are impatient we are divided. We are physically in the event and we have some of our attention focussed on what we are doing but most of our attention is focussed on our thoughts about the end of the event. Emotionally speaking, we are divided as well, one part of us wants to be somewhere else or doing something else.

It seems that the state of impatience is very similar to a state of anger. Impatience very quickly leads to anger and they both share some symptoms. Anger though is a more intense state and is often much more destructive and damaging. Impatience on the other hand is not so deliberately destructive, but is halfway to that destructive angry state.

End (157).