Introduction
When we are upset because of the way they think about us we
get angry at them and think negatively about them and stop loving them.
Actually it is good to observe that our love is conditional, i.e. relative
because it depends on them feeling positive towards us. So freeing ourselves
from the dependency will take us to love them in a way that is closer to
unconditional love.
Getting Angry
We get angry because we want to correct their way of
thinking towards us. We see that we can’t change their way of thinking towards
us so we use anger to do it which is a blind force. We make threats in anger
all so that we can force them to change their way of thinking.
The Key
The key here seems to take away their importance that we
have placed upon them in our mind. That solves the first observation, if we see
them as everyone else as important as everyone else, we will feel differently.
Then the thought appears I will not love them as much. The truth is that I will
love them the same or even better if I detach from the exaggerated importance I
am placing on them.
Love in Relativity
My feeling towards them is conditioned by seeing myself
loving them more than I love others, if I see myself doing this I believe I love
them. However I only believe I love them when I see that I love them more than
I love others but sometimes this is empty. Because I do this, I demand it from
them as well. I only think that they love me when I see them loving me more than
others or doing more things for me than they do for others. That is what I call
love, but is that really love? It is not, real love includes all! Only love in
relativity loves others excluding others, which as you are probably discovering
only brings suffering.
This is to put love into relativity. So is that true that I
can only love another person if I love them more than I love others? This is not
really true? This discovery is a big one, it is the belief behind so many
things and problems that we have in relationships.
What is in the heart can come out, and we must face that without
fear. Sometimes the love for others comes out more than the love for those we
are meant to love, and we may due to fear suppress it, because we think they
will be jealous of us and then get angry with us and stop loving us. So if we
have to show to ourselves that to love we need to do more for certain people,
that then means also that we need to do less for other people, which means most
of the time in practical events to exclude or ignore those others, which is not
really loving them.
An Example of Forcing Love
Sometimes the opinions of others can convince us, and that
can lead to trouble later on in our life. We may do for example a certain
activity because we were impressed by someone doing it and we want to be a good
musician for example. As we know that we are not really made up to be a
musician and that our talents lie in other places that we for some reason don’t
want to accept we try hard to convince ourselves that we have made it as a good
musician. However, we only think that we have made it as a good musician once
others say that we have made it. We need others to say that we have made it
because we know that we are not. And somehow down the line we have created
something in our mind that it depends so much to the point that we are not
worthy if we are not a good musician in life, that that is everything in our
life. We have to find what we have in our heart. Usually in this type of false
or forced relationship we suffer indescribably because we know that we can
never be that and that it is not in our nature.
End (167).
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