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Observed Disadvantages of Being (167)

Introduction

When we are upset because of the way they think about us we get angry at them and think negatively about them and stop loving them. Actually it is good to observe that our love is conditional, i.e. relative because it depends on them feeling positive towards us. So freeing ourselves from the dependency will take us to love them in a way that is closer to unconditional love.


Getting Angry

We get angry because we want to correct their way of thinking towards us. We see that we can’t change their way of thinking towards us so we use anger to do it which is a blind force. We make threats in anger all so that we can force them to change their way of thinking.


The Key

The key here seems to take away their importance that we have placed upon them in our mind. That solves the first observation, if we see them as everyone else as important as everyone else, we will feel differently. Then the thought appears I will not love them as much. The truth is that I will love them the same or even better if I detach from the exaggerated importance I am placing on them.


Love in Relativity

My feeling towards them is conditioned by seeing myself loving them more than I love others, if I see myself doing this I believe I love them. However I only believe I love them when I see that I love them more than I love others but sometimes this is empty. Because I do this, I demand it from them as well. I only think that they love me when I see them loving me more than others or doing more things for me than they do for others. That is what I call love, but is that really love? It is not, real love includes all! Only love in relativity loves others excluding others, which as you are probably discovering only brings suffering.

This is to put love into relativity. So is that true that I can only love another person if I love them more than I love others? This is not really true? This discovery is a big one, it is the belief behind so many things and problems that we have in relationships.

What is in the heart can come out, and we must face that without fear. Sometimes the love for others comes out more than the love for those we are meant to love, and we may due to fear suppress it, because we think they will be jealous of us and then get angry with us and stop loving us. So if we have to show to ourselves that to love we need to do more for certain people, that then means also that we need to do less for other people, which means most of the time in practical events to exclude or ignore those others, which is not really loving them.


An Example of Forcing Love

Sometimes the opinions of others can convince us, and that can lead to trouble later on in our life. We may do for example a certain activity because we were impressed by someone doing it and we want to be a good musician for example. As we know that we are not really made up to be a musician and that our talents lie in other places that we for some reason don’t want to accept we try hard to convince ourselves that we have made it as a good musician. However, we only think that we have made it as a good musician once others say that we have made it. We need others to say that we have made it because we know that we are not. And somehow down the line we have created something in our mind that it depends so much to the point that we are not worthy if we are not a good musician in life, that that is everything in our life. We have to find what we have in our heart. Usually in this type of false or forced relationship we suffer indescribably because we know that we can never be that and that it is not in our nature.


End (167).

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