Jealousy is not About the Other! – (448)

Introduction

This may seem to be a crazy statement, but is it quite true. Why we ask. But first thing is first there is of course something to do with the other person but that is not the main factor. The main factor is the quality of the relationship in ourselves. Read on to know more.

Jealousy Protects the Relationship

We have jealousy to protect or ensure that the relationship between us and our wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend or friend is going ok. Basically fear of the relationship weakening not on our part but on their part is the main factor behind this.  The interesting thing is tht jealousy ends up ruining the relationship it tries to protect.

The Security of the Relationship

What jealousy is really about is how secure that relationship is inside of us. Jealousy typically goes to try and fix how the other person is feeling but that is not the cause. The cause of jealousy is that the relationship or the way we feel and relate to the other person inside of us is not all that complete or solid or secure.

There are holes or gaps or doubts in our affection for the other person. That is the real cause of jealousy.

‘Shoulds’ and ‘Should Nots’

Jealous has so many ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’. These are what drive us crazy as well. We think the other should not talk to another person or should not talk for all that long, should not smile, should not feel anything towards them, should not like them that much, should pay me more attention, should love me more etc. etc.

All these should come from the belief that we are in an exclusive relationship where the other should only love me more or only me. But the it should really be that we should love them more. Love is love, love goes to everyone and has space to love others. A relationship that does not allow you to love others in a fraternal way is not very loving, it kills or monopolises love.

Conclusion

If we want to get rid of jealousy we have to sincerely and consciously make our affection toward the other person true and devoid of gaps, holes, doubts, or insecurities. When we feel secure about our affection toward them we start to love and love kills jealousy.

Jealousy is also a very damaging ego and that ruins relationships, especially the ones it trues so hard to protect.

End (448).