Pride Horrified to not Perform - (3805)

Forget it, to perform we need self-control. That's it, if we have self-control we can perform, in whichever field that may be, from concentrating, meditating, giving a talk, professionally at work, playing an instrument, playing sport etc. etc.

The horrible thing is when we can not perform, because for some reason we can not control ourselves. Whether that reason be psychological or health related.

To not be able to perform or follow through with the promise or expectation is terrifying for pride.

It is the aftermath or consequences of not delivering that hurts. The thought of the possible hurt, humiliation produces fear.

It is the consequences of disappointing others, but it is more something internal of not being able to make it, like there is an inner flaw or a lack of our capacity to control our ourselves is what bothers us, astounds us, and frankly hits us for six (for a home run) into the shadows of dismay. Plus it is also the disappointment of seeing our image in front of others go to the floor.

So what is such a situation all about? It is about many things of course, everything always has many layers and dimensions to it, but a significant point is that of self-control. In dealing with this situation we are forced to be humble, we have lost the capacity to control ourselves, it is taken from us by our own selves (subconscious) and we can't take it back from ourselves. So we are left to trust in a higher power, something higher than ourselves. For the Gnostic we know that our essence and our Being are higher than our own selves. So it is drop the self-sufficiency and learn to trust, and as the arrogance drops we will get back what was ours but to use it this time properly, justly, rightly, for the dignity of the Being, and others, not to strengthen or create more that arrogant self-sufficiency. 

There is this horrible division in us. We need that unity back. A part has control which is the subconscious which is the disaster and there is us the conscious power not having control. The unity heals that division. And our self-sufficiency broke away from our Being. 

A higher octave of the repentance here is the repentance for having forgotten the Being in us, having disobeyed and having disregarded it or disdained it!

End (3805).