Helpful Key In Dealing with Difficult People - (2409)

Forget the Effect from Now On

What worries and sometimes hurts us when dealing with others is the fact that we always focus on the effects.

If the reaction of the other is not favourable, if they make a face, if they are not happy, if they say something negative, if they speak negatively to others etc. etc. we suffer, we feel restless and we generally feel unsatisfied or discontent.

Focus on the Cause - on the Inner Value

The way out of this difficult inner state with its corresponding difficult feelings is to shift what we focus on.

The new focal point is the cause or the inner value. The new focus is to fulfil the relevant inner value. I’ll explain...

We Feel Bad Because we Don’t Satisfy an Inner Value

We feel bad when dealing with difficult people because what we do does not satisfy the standards that we have within us in relation to our inner values.

If we have a standard within ourselves that we should treat others with patience, respect, good will and fairness and because of our egos of annoyance, anger and pride we do not achieve this, we feel bad. If though we genuinely manage to fulfill our standards we feel very different. We are more or less ok when the other person for example does not like what we said or did.

Another way that we don't feel of course is when we really don't care anymore about satisfying that inner value. Which is fine if that inner value is an ego, but not so good if that inner value is one of the essence.

Conclusion

Know straight away what standards and values you have in relation to the difficult situation. Focus on doing the best by those values. Which means you focus on the cause. When you focus on the cause, you are not a victim of yourself, because with the cause in your hands you can change effects within yourself. That is your interior state. You can say to yourself: "I did my best in acting by that value, I could not have done more, I did not hurt anyone nor did I do something wrong.".

When we focus on the cause we are in self-remembering, because we are remembering these values, we are using them and these values come from the essence and the essence comes from the Being.

End (2409).