Some Advice when Jealous, Scared and Hurt - (1028)

Introduction

Someone one day wrote to me asking for some advice on what to do when in a situation where one feels scared of losing the other person they are in a relationship with and they feel hurt and they are also feeling somewhat jealous.

Here below is some of what I wrote as a reply:

Advice (Reply)

“I thought that I would just write down what I do when I pass through and have passed through such a situation. If they are useful that's great but if not don't worry too much about them. 

I tell myself (it is hard at times), and try to understand and apply these points:

Suffering is my Job to Fix not the Other’s Job

My suffering is my job to fix. The egos want others to fix it, sometimes they do but with lots of drama and sometimes they don't, they worsen it. But ultimately it is my job. I have to try to fix it as hard as it is.

Who Others Love is the Business of their Heart

Who others love is the business of their heart - how can I get into their heart when I have a heart to look after, it seems that the universe wants me to look after the businesses of the heart that beats in my chest and it seems that I do love the person deep down that is making my life difficult at the moment. So there I go to focus on that which is my heart and I try to carefully live that love out for the other, which does not mean necessarily to approach the angry other person and get a beating for nothing. People do not belong to us. Only as is said - our consciousness belongs to us and it is our job in this life to look after it and make it shine.

Go to Find Love for the Being Inside You

I observe that I am feeling a loss and fear of more loss and I also observe I am desiring some love or assurance or closeness and I am thinking that treatment from the other or their distance should not be happening. Then I see I can't base my happiness of them loving me, I have to base it on something inside of me. It is wonderful when they do show love but I can not feel purpose, meaning, joy for life and well being with myself - happy to be alive etc. all depending on the apparent show of love from others. I have to get it from within, I have to possess it or be able to generate it. Then I divert my attention inside and I generate love for myself and my Being. I see all the good that I have done to others and especially that person and I start to feel different. I start to feel more comfortable being in myself, I see that it is not such a bad place to be alone there with myself, I start to see that the anger I feel from being rejected weakens as their rejection has brought me back closer to myself and deep within myself is the Being. I see that when others are happy with us and love us we forget the Being inside of us. Others loving me does not take me closer to my Being only I can do that. A great master can love you and you can be making mistakes and distancing yourself from the Being within and becoming more unhappy but all the time the great master loves you. It is wonderful to be loved but what is more important is the love for our Being and the action of living out that love.

Seemingly Right or Less Painful Way to Love

The right way or certainly the less painful way to love seems to love oneself and the Being first then emanate that out to others.

Love that is True

Love that is true will always come to us, maybe not straight away but at the right moment. We can trust in a love that is true because if it apparently gets less, if it is true it will return. We have to learn to trust love that is true, it will always return if it gets less or apparently goes. It will forgive and return.

Egos of Others are not Personal to Us

Others have their egos and they have to act in that way, they should be doing what they are doing - basically because they are doing it. Their egos are not personal to me. They created them before they knew me. Their work is just not at that level yet to do things differently than what they are doing with their egos right now.

Conclusion

The permanent centre of gravity in our own consciousness is the key to remedy so much suffering. The philosophy and perspectives and wisdom of eh permanent centre of consciousness helps us immensely especially in relationships.

End (1028).