Control Freaks - Often Unliked but they Suffer – (1137)

Let’s Face it

People don’t usually like very controlling people. People usually run from them.

'Control Freaks' clash often with people, it seems that they spend most of their life involved in clashes. The worst clashes are when one ‘control freak’ comes in contact with another ‘control freak’.

This happens so often in life, because people in certain areas or even in all areas have that tendency towards control.

I think it is worth giving a definition of a ‘control freak’ because it can be a little bit of a tricky issue.

What’s Wrong with Being a ‘Control Freak’ when Control is Necessary?

Certainly and no one can deny this, to a degree, control over one’s environment is needed. For example, a judge must have a certain control over the proceedings in his or her court, a surgeon must be in control of the operating theatre, a military general must be in control of the armed forces assigned to him or her and a lecturer must have some control over his or her lecture room which includes the respect of the audience. If the control that I have mentioned is not present, disorder usually results and things don’t go and end well.

In the examples given above: the wrong sentence may be arrived at, the surgery is a botch-up, lives are uselessly lost and there are a lot of disappointed listeners.

In all these examples and in countless others, the control that a person has in such an environment and activity comes from a common understanding and respect from all those involved. For example, a surgeon has control because it is given, out of respect for the surgeon’s skills and out of the understanding that the surgeon must be in control for the benefit of the patient, because they know well that it is essentially the skills of the surgeon that will help cure the patient.

So What is a ‘Control Freak”

A ‘control freak’ is one that controls others over the ‘what is necessary’ limit, and does this due to vested egoical interests. A control freak is also one that controls without commanding respect or has not won the trust and confidence of others yet to wield such command and control.

A 'control freak' takes control when it has not been given or should not be taken. 

They Appear Strong Yet... are They?

Certainly ‘control freaks’ appear strong, but hiding behind their strong and in control appearance and behaviour are weaknesses.

The law of opposites applies here, rather than the law of correspondence.

These weaknesses are many and in general they are to do with fear, pride, attachment, jealousy, selfishness and in general, any ego that has strong desires, it could even be gluttony for example that in its environment of eating can make a person very controlling, controlling for example the menu and the quantities.

A typical ‘control freak’ is one who has strong: pride, fear, attachment, jealousy and selfishness.

The one who is being controlled appears weak, a ‘zero’, a ‘yes person’ and a ‘ninny’ ‘without a voice’ yet behind that façade there may well be certain strengths that a ‘control freak’ lacks.

When mothers who are ‘control freaks’ see their children being controlled they suffer immensely, because they believe that “to not be in control is to not be a person”, yet their children are still people and perhaps stronger than we all think.

So are you a Control Freak?

In some areas yes, in some other areas no (I am a control freak in certain areas, and I know others who are too). To be cured we first have to recognise that we have the illness.

In general, where pride and fear are present there is the tendency to be one or the tendency to exert control.

Indications we are a ‘Control Freak’

The following list can give us a good indication if we are one or are at least very controlling or have the tendency to be one. That’s strange we can think that it is good to be controlling and we can be secretly proud of that because we feel to be more of a person.

Please note, anyone can be a control freak, even the household cat can be very controlling and there are ‘out there’ control freaks and then there are subtle ‘control freaks’ that use very subtle manipulative ways to control things.

• Our ideas are best
• We only talk
• Rarely listen
• Always have a definite inflexible plan (and it is the best of course)
• Always suggesting (a smart control freak suggests) and telling others what to do
• Others are lacking or are weak
• Scared of certain social events
• Care what others think
• Insecure with others
• Things have to be done right
• Make others to change when we are the same or are just as weak
• Think others like us micro-managing/guiding them
• Must be seen and behave as my self-image dictates
• Inner life of thoughts and emotions lacks order
• Can’t stand not knowing and hate ambiguity about a situation
• You change who you are and what you stand for to impress others or get others to accept or like you (control others concept of you)
• Use fear inspiring tactics to control what people do (obvious or subtle)

Why are we a ‘Control Freak’?

General

Pride is the big factor behind being a control freak as you can see from the above indications.

There is really a lot behind it. What is behind it are certain needs that make controlling the next logical step, which is just really an effect of having those needs.

People use control as a way to determine the outcome of events so that certain needs in us are met.

Fear

Fear is behind control in many instances. We think that we won't be able to cope if what we fear happens, we fear that the pain will be too much, and so we have to do whatever possible to stop that from happening. This could include changing circumstances, changing events, changing people’s minds, changing the impressions we give people, getting closer to people so they won’t reject us, moving: people, times, venues, changing agreed upon plans, modifying various details etc. etc. All because we really think that we won’t be able to cope with the situation that we fear.

Depending how radical we want to be we can in our questioning of fear go all the way to see what will happen to us if the worst thing that we fear were to happen. Once you see what will happen what about trying to accept that. Fear is always about the unacceptable, to end fear we have to make the unacceptable in us acceptable. Seeing three bad things about what we fear and three good things about we fear changes our attitude towards what we fear.

Pride

There is very often pride behind ‘control freaking’. It is there, in that, deep down we can't accept that we are going to be second, and this is because we have the value that we give to ourselves as being highly dependent on being first, we think that if we are not first we are no good at all, we feel that our whole existence depends on being first, but we are an essence that is not first or second or any place, but only what it is, which is a divine particle and what is divine has already made number one which is the unity with everything else. Only the Divine can unite into number one – the absolute unity.

Also pride thinks that to control is strong, but it is really weak and pride does not see that. The stronger an ego is the weaker we are. The more dependent we are. A ‘control freak’ is so narrow and so limited that he or she can only tolerate a small sliver of event unfoldings and if things differ from that, the ‘control freak’ melts down. ‘Control freaks’ veer from reality, because in reality everything happens and things always go wrong to some degree from big time wrong or slightly wrong.

Recognise a Control Freak and Don’t Feed One

To be awakened is to see what traits people have and from experience it is not too good to feed a ‘control freak’ because there will certainly come a time when you have to escape the control of a ‘control freak’ maybe only just once, but you will have to. And if the you have fed the ‘control freak’ for a long time they will get so very upset and make your life inconveniently difficult for a long time. But we were the blind turkey that did not see it coming.

That could even include ourselves, don’t feed the ‘control freak’ inside you. Give people freedom. Because if you don't my goodness, a day will come when you will be suffering and feeling hurt.

Unfortunate Fate of ‘Control Freaks’

People in general don’t like to be micro-managed or put under the thumb of another, and so after a while a very controlling person often gets known for being a control freak and faces the fate of many with that trait which is some deliberate exclusion or displacement and not being told anything - 'left out of the loop'.

I have seen this happen so many times, one control freak isolates another and then there is resentment and grudges and problems and the displaced control freak changes tactics and the same happens all over again until the displaced control freak retires with his or her tail between his or legs.

This is quite painful and hurts and is unfortunately the best medicine for a ‘control freak’, this is the only way to help a ‘control freak’ realise that they actually are a control freak, and for the sake of harmony, unity, inclusion and to win back the trust of others one must change one’s ways. Let go, surrender, let people be free, give, and if others take it good, if not continue to give, concentrate on what is our business which is ourselves and our inner work and our Being. We will be rewarded for that work and for what we have freely offered (not imposed), even if it was not taken.

Be Like Water and Trust in the Inner Divinity

Sometimes we have to go with the flow of things and surrender to the Being in us to help us to get through the event. Sometimes it is good to put the event in the hands of our Being and surrender it to them (inner Father-Mother).

Feel at peace put yourself into their arms and say "may this event unfold according to the course that you wish for it to take." If it is painful, then it is for a good reason. Our Being may want that we learn, or clear some karma.

‘Control Freaks’ lack trust in their Being. Things are never as bad as we think that they are or will be.

I get scared to see myself ‘control freaking’ because it means there is a lack of adaptability and there is fear there, and that is a big weakness.

‘Control freaks’ have a hard time doing the will of their Being, because they are always doing their own will and imposing their own will and not letting others fulfil the will of their Beings.

‘Control freaks’ interfere with the the will of others and the will of the Beings of others and that is not good! Not good! They squash the heart of others! Don't do that!

If we are a ‘control freak’ because we are scared of being controlled, we don’t have to worry because no one controls us if we don’t want to be controlled. We don’t have to be control freak to prevent ourselves from being controlled.

End (1137).